I remember like it was yesterday. but it wasn’t. and time will keep passing me by.. making my memories less and less clear. and that is what I fear most. I don’t want to forget your smile or your laugh, or the way you could change my mood instantly by just being there. trying to move on and still holding on to you is almost impossible to do. but I have to move on. I have to live. I can’t just lay here in my bed all day and all night and think about you. but I want to. because then maybe I can come to terms with it. and when something comes up that reminds me of you I can just smile. and know that everything is okay.. because you’re happy now. but i wish i knew what that was. because when i knew you, I thought you were happy, and clearly you were the farthest thing from it. if I could do one thing over I would live and love every moment I spent with you. but how was i supposed to know I had to do that? I thought we had a long time coming. as it turns out that’s not the case.. and maybe it would be different now if I’d opened my eyes a little wider. if i did more than just hold your hand and comfort you. then maybe i wouldn’t spend countless hours at night in a haze of sadness.. maybe you’d be here holding my hand and comforting me. and we could have fought this together.